Single on the Clearance Rack

Today I had a bit of time to kill between jobs and went to a factory clearance store. As I browsed the clearance rack of the clearance outlet not really looking for anything I found myself waxing nostalgic (shocker, I know). Call me pathetic but somehow I found it absurdly unfair that these articles had been passed over again and again only to lie strewn sadly over a rack  vultured over by everyone from old ladies with canes and paisley handbags to young girls with too much shiny pink lip-gloss. Clearly their creators had meant them to be so much more--to see them unwanted and passed over this way felt vaguely wrong and unjust.

I have been single for what sometimes feels like a long time. I have watched friends, sisters, roommates, classmates, and coworkers pass into that mysterious married state as I stay stagnant and stoic. Feeling, I imagine, a little like the brand new clothes--tried on but never selected. Picked over but never cherished. Laughed at a little, brushed once or twice by the casual shopper, and maybe even in someone's "maybe" pile for a few breathless moments of hope but never actually a keeper for anyone.

Not to sound all doom and gloom--it has been a fantastic life that I am grateful for and that I have loved. I cannot regret the road that has led me here because I like where and who I am. Still, there is always that lingering nagging thought. Even now, when I am in a fantastic relationship with a fantastic man, the acrid idea berates my brain--what is it about you that makes you leave-able? They say people are single for a reason, and I feel like that's true. Why, then, are you still here?

I guess the happy ending for most clothes and people is they find a home. Be it alone or with someone, purchased or donated, bought or stolen everyone eventually meets their tomorrow. I am excited and a little nervous about what mine will be, but at least today I couldn't look at discount clothes quite the same way. They made me think of people, and I couldn't quite think of those "weird" people in my singles ward quite the same way either. It's no fun to be passed over and heckled at. This I know. God doesn't heckle. I need to love better. To make sure that everyone has a place--right beside me. In the Kingdom of God and here in this planet there is room for everyone even if they feel too flashy or worn or if they seem a little old fashioned or out of fashion or even have an odd tear or stain here or there. God loves us all just the same. It's time I did a little more loving and a little less passing over.