My Irrational Fears, aka This may be ridiculous but...

Cause sometimes it just feels better to release irrational fears into the universe:


I will never ever pay off my loans. Like the widow of Zarephath whose oil never ran out no matter how much she burned, my debt will build and build no matter how much extra I pay off each month.

Toy Story is based on some level of truth and my dolls and toys all feel  abandoned and misused because I never wrote my name on permanent marker on any of them.

I will be single until I'm at least sixty seven, and then if I try and have kids at that point they will come out all shriveled and wrinkled, and I will be dead before the kid graduates college.

I will be sick forever. I won't ever ever get over this cold. I will be coughing up pink and purple phlegm until I die.

A spider will come and lay eggs in my ear while I sleep while I'm camping. I believe this one so thoroughly that I often sleep with my covers over my head whenever I camp.

I am going to make a stupid mistake at work someday and be sued and never be able to practice PT again.

The Arizona water is so bad that I might get a parasite someday from drinking it.

My parents only tell me they are proud of me because they know about my fragile self-esteem and that I need their approval.

I will never learn how to cook and my kids will have to grow up on coconut covered red-wine vinager and raspberry jam baby carrots.

I am actually exceptionally stinky and ugly and everyone knows it except for me. Maybe that's why I will be single until I'm 67...

My personal 10 commandments of health

What I have learned from my recent health issues (whether I can follow them or not, these are my new goals):

1. Eat more- because eating is heavenly, and your body doesn't do so well without food
2. Stress less- because there are things I can change, and things I can't and stressing doesn't change either type
3. Live in the moment- because the next moment will come whether you enjoy this one or not
4. Smile- it really does make you and those around you feel better.
5. Eat dark chocolate- because it's delicious, and everyone needs a little bit of sweet darkness in their lives
6. Learn to accept the help of others- because sometimes it's too hard to do everything on your own
7. Sleep at night- because if you don't you will find yourself sleeping other times, and that can cause problems
8. Read your scriptures first- cause otherwise you might not make time, and it's a great way to wake up
9. If you're body is doing something because you're too stressed out, don't stress about your body doing it cause that just makes whatever it's doing that much worse. I'm sad to say a doctor had to tell me that one.
10. It's alright to take a sick day! Sometimes your body needs you more than everyone else.
11. And one to grow on- sometimes "me time" is some of the most important time of your week. Take it!

The one that runs away

The weight in your sigh aches my shoulders.
The plea in your eyes stings mine.

And beneath the fear and frustration
under the why-not's and the how-come's
shackled forever to the what-if's

My forever is shackled.

And forever, the why's are not,
and the hows won't come,
and I'm frustrated about the ifs.

The blame in your shrug flogs my  reason.
The tension in your fingers burns mine.

But I smothered your hopes and my own--
I watched them wriggle and whine and wail
Plea and prostrate and protest,

until all was still.

And still, my protests plea,
and my wails wriggle,
and my wine prostrates.

Until my shoulders are sore.