Before I begin, here are some discoveries I have made since last writing:
> Barbie dolls have a patheticly small range of motion that is impossible to repeat
> Gas prices went down but have steadily increased since then
> A house in Texas without power for more than 6 hours gets hot fast (this comes from the frighteningish experience of a tornado hitting down a few miles from my house. Wild.)
> You can only watch so many chick flicks before you begin losing brain cells
> Exercise doesn't always work (I have, in fact, gained three pounds since I started going to the gym daily three and a half weeks ago. Time to lay off the treadmill it would seem.)
> Contrary to what you may think blackberries, celery, tuna, pasta, and chipotle sauce do not make a delicious mix. It is, however, eccentrically interesting.
> Wishing something doesn't necesarily make it so and unforutnately doing all you can doesn't even always work. Still, that way at least you have no regrets.
> Blackberry jam is stinking hard to get out of clothes
> Prayer really does work
> laughter is not just for children--we should all try it.
So, my brother left to go on his mission recently. Well, technically he went with Dad and Grandpa to hunt and hang out for a week in Idaho with a before he reports to the MTC but who wants to get technical. The point is, it is so strange to see missionary work from the opposite perspective now that I have had my own experience. To read his e-mails and pray for him instead of relying on his prayers is different. As I read his e-mails I find myself second guessing myself a lot. Is that odd? I find myself wondering, was I this way? Did I have that much faith? Did people actually read my letters? Did I offend people? How was my grammer? Then as my tiny mind begins to whirl like a rusty turbine cliking and complaing as it goes I begin all types of wild worries. Why can't I remember? Why do I care? Am I really dissolving into a materialistic shallow ditz who spends all her free time worrying about what people thought of me years and years ago? What about what people think of me now? Why don't I ever date? Am I going to be an old maid? Will I be grumpy? How will I make my own way? I so want a baby... maybe I'll be able to adopt?
Anyway, you get the picture. Not a good path. The point is it is interesting to watch from the other side. I remember taking off for my own mission. I was so nervous! I spent the night before in a hotel with my parents. I cried myself to sleep with my fist in my mouth to silence my sobs so that my parents wouldn't worry. I just felt so underqualified and weak to the cause that was put up to me. I was scared that I would mess it up and ruin those I was called to serve for all eternity. Rubbish of course. God would never let little old me thwart His work. Still though, at the begining that was what I felt. I guess even now I worry a little though... what if I really did do such a poor job that those who could have been helped were in fact at a disadvantage because they were with me? Still, before I begin on my barrage of questions again I'd better stop now. I did do my best. That I can hold my head up and say. I really did give God all that I could and I know that He more than made up for my weaknesses. Just like the Brother of Jared I gave God rocks and he made light. My brother can and will do the same thing. What a marvelous work missionary work is. It is so big! So amazing when you sit back and think about it. No matter how weak and insignificant we may feel God carries on this great work because it is His. Be it Korea or Seattle, it matters not. What an amazing privlidge it is to be involved in it.
