I lost yet another epic battle to my hair earlier this week. Not good. This is a fairly common occurrence and I will take this opportunity to outline the various strategies of the opposing sides in all their hairy glory:
My strategies
Bio-warfare: I literally drown my poor hair in a barrage of product. Shampoo, conditioner, curling moose or gel, frizz control as needed, and whatever else I can use to try and control the opposing forces.
Capture and Torture: Tying up, pinning back, braiding, twisting around, and whatever other strategy I can think of to force my hair into whatever socially-acceptable shape I can manage, whether it wants to be there or not!
Suffocation: technique utilizing hat, scarf, bandanna, or paper bag if that is all that is available.
Negligence: Sometimes when all else fails all I can do is do my best to ignore what a mess my hair is. I have gotten pretty good at pretending not to know it is such a disaster.
Decapitation: Not used quite as frequently but occasionally there is nothing else for it but to cut off the fuzzy mess and dispose of the casualties.
Hair Strategies
Explosives: This seems to be my hair's weapon of choice--expanding from seemingly harmless strands into a mini tree. Nice.
Kamikaze sacrifice: I lose lots of hair... lots and lots. So desperate to be separated from me it seems to leap out of my head.
Sneak Attack: Another favorite: after painstakingly exerting my best efforts to control the mop perched atop my head it delights in escaping said style, bushing into wildness, and corkscrewing into chaos.
Indecent Exposure: I'm half embarrassed to mention this one,but my hair likes to show looks that are absolutely not meant for public eyes.
And so the battle rages on. Eventually, of course I will win, cause I have the ultimate weapon at my disposal; raze and destroy. I haven't yet pulled the "shave off the offending forces" move, but as it is always in my power to do so my hair will never be able to fully defeat me!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Happy Mother's Day!
For Mother's Day I have thought about what tribute would be good to share here since I am pretty sure she is really the only one who reads this... stuff. (I wanted to use a different word, but as this is a post for her I don't think she would have liked the one I was thinking of). I decided on a collection of her common quotes-ones I do not always like because I am not always smart enough to listen to my mother, but ones she uses a lot.
"Don't Should on Yourself"
Mom doesn't like the word should--it usually is used in a send-yourself-on-a-guilt trip way after all.
"You are on Thin Water!"
This started as a family joke, though it was a dangerous funny at the time. I was just a little girl but still remember the situation. Dad had done something to make mom mad and even though we all knew her irritation was rising (the steam was coming out of her ears in little puffs, her eyes were slowly starting to glow red) whatever dad was doing he continued, much to mom's irritation. Finally she blurted this quote out in frustration--an unsuccessful unconscious effort to combine the "in hot water" and "on thin ice" threats. This is definitely a you-had-to-be-there moment but I will not soon forget the way mom's palpable irritation slowly melted away as my father (who has a special talent for making people laugh at themselves) got us giggling and mom allowed her grumpiness to wash it away. Now when she uses it I feel like she is reminding me not to take myself too seriously.
"It's going to be okay."
I will not embarrass myself by disclosing how frequently I need this assurance, but I will say that mom is always able and willing to give it, no matter what time I call her. : )
"I don't need it..."
This one makes me smile and shake my head in exasperation. Mom, who is often encouraging me to splurge a little and get something new--shoes, a dress, a top, or whatever (not that I usually do, haha) never ever seems to get one for herself even when dad tells her to. He almost always has to take her to the store and make her get something. Such is the selflessness of motherhood--always putting everyone's needs above her own.
"Well President Eyering says:"
Mom likes all the church leaders, but for whatever reason President Eyering seems to be her favorite. Whatever follows is usually wise and wonderful but we still like to give her a hard time.
"A person all wrapped up in themselves makes a very small package"
Think about it.
"I'm cold."
Mom is a frugal machine who also suffers from significantly low blood pressure. Consequently in the middle of Texas winter (and I know those words don't really go together, but humor me--it's Mother's Day) she keeps the house in the 60s before she turns on the heater. When she was still working at home this meant that she would sit on the couch with her computer with a sweatshirt, at least 1 coat, and at least 1 pair of gloves or socks on her hands to try and get her work done. The ironic part of this whole story is that while I complain here I will probably end up keeping my house at the extreme temperature ends too because that's how I grew up--you save money by suffering a little.
"Have you prayed about it?"
This is her answer to every problem I bring to her (and let's just say I probably bring more than my fair share and most of them I bring more than once). Excellent advice--the kind that sometimes makes me laugh and say, "do you really always have to be right?"
"I don't know what I'm doing"
Strange for her to say that to me, as I am a firm believer that she does have it all figured out, but also somehow comforting because I absolutely have no clue what I'm doing, so if that is true at least I'm in good company!
"I'm doing laundry"
It seems like mom is always always always doing laundry. I don't mind laundry personally but I happen to know it is her least favorite job. Sorry mom. : (
and last but not least....
"I love you!"
I love you too mom. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. I am a pretty lucky kiddo to have a laundry-master, prophet quoting, reassuring, mother Sensei in my forever future. Happy Mother's Day!
"Don't Should on Yourself"
Mom doesn't like the word should--it usually is used in a send-yourself-on-a-guilt trip way after all.
"You are on Thin Water!"
This started as a family joke, though it was a dangerous funny at the time. I was just a little girl but still remember the situation. Dad had done something to make mom mad and even though we all knew her irritation was rising (the steam was coming out of her ears in little puffs, her eyes were slowly starting to glow red) whatever dad was doing he continued, much to mom's irritation. Finally she blurted this quote out in frustration--an unsuccessful unconscious effort to combine the "in hot water" and "on thin ice" threats. This is definitely a you-had-to-be-there moment but I will not soon forget the way mom's palpable irritation slowly melted away as my father (who has a special talent for making people laugh at themselves) got us giggling and mom allowed her grumpiness to wash it away. Now when she uses it I feel like she is reminding me not to take myself too seriously.
"It's going to be okay."
I will not embarrass myself by disclosing how frequently I need this assurance, but I will say that mom is always able and willing to give it, no matter what time I call her. : )
"I don't need it..."
This one makes me smile and shake my head in exasperation. Mom, who is often encouraging me to splurge a little and get something new--shoes, a dress, a top, or whatever (not that I usually do, haha) never ever seems to get one for herself even when dad tells her to. He almost always has to take her to the store and make her get something. Such is the selflessness of motherhood--always putting everyone's needs above her own.
"Well President Eyering says:"
Mom likes all the church leaders, but for whatever reason President Eyering seems to be her favorite. Whatever follows is usually wise and wonderful but we still like to give her a hard time.
"A person all wrapped up in themselves makes a very small package"
Think about it.
"I'm cold."
Mom is a frugal machine who also suffers from significantly low blood pressure. Consequently in the middle of Texas winter (and I know those words don't really go together, but humor me--it's Mother's Day) she keeps the house in the 60s before she turns on the heater. When she was still working at home this meant that she would sit on the couch with her computer with a sweatshirt, at least 1 coat, and at least 1 pair of gloves or socks on her hands to try and get her work done. The ironic part of this whole story is that while I complain here I will probably end up keeping my house at the extreme temperature ends too because that's how I grew up--you save money by suffering a little.
"Have you prayed about it?"
This is her answer to every problem I bring to her (and let's just say I probably bring more than my fair share and most of them I bring more than once). Excellent advice--the kind that sometimes makes me laugh and say, "do you really always have to be right?"
"I don't know what I'm doing"
Strange for her to say that to me, as I am a firm believer that she does have it all figured out, but also somehow comforting because I absolutely have no clue what I'm doing, so if that is true at least I'm in good company!"I'm doing laundry"
It seems like mom is always always always doing laundry. I don't mind laundry personally but I happen to know it is her least favorite job. Sorry mom. : (
and last but not least....
"I love you!"
I love you too mom. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. I am a pretty lucky kiddo to have a laundry-master, prophet quoting, reassuring, mother Sensei in my forever future. Happy Mother's Day!
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