You've Got Mail... Now What?

I am throwing my dignity on the symbolic alter of full disclosure in an effort to vent out my snarkiness here rather than somewhere it might wreak more damage. I've always thought public humiliation, like bandaids, are best taken care of in one swift pull--rip it off. Here it goes: I have joined the world of online dating. It's true. The how and the why is a complicated and mortifying tale that I have absolutely no intention of disclosing unprotected here, but long and short of it is that I am officially an online dater.

Anyone who knows me at all knows that while I certainly have talents and good points dating and dealing with men in general is absolutely not one of them. I'm not sure what made me think that dealing with them in the cyber world would be more successful than dealing with them in the flesh, but somehow I did. In reality, I suppose I am a better conversationalist when I can edit and spell-check them before they are sent into the world. There are also obvious benefits when people can only see cute pictures of me. However, there are also some pretty serious pitfalls.

One obvious problem is the premise: you are waiting for an e-mail which is somehow even more pathetic than waiting for a phone call. The frequency is an issue--you don't want to write so frequently that you seem desperate but you don't want to wait so long between e-mails that he looses interest. Also, lots of guys don't put up a picture at all. At the risk of exposing even more of my shallow self while appearance isn't everything not showing a picture at all still makes me curious. Does he have an unsightly mole on his left eyelid that prevents him from opening it? Does he have tattoos covering his face? Maybe he french braids his nostril hairs? What does it mean? Or what about the guy who uses "lol", "hee hee", an inordinate amount of explanation points and no capital letters in his e-mails? Is that how he talks in real life? With no capital letters? Then there is the question of how to stop a web-based non-relationship. Do you send an "it's not you it's me" e-mail? Do you just stop reading his? Do you tell him you want to try and be facebook friends? And how long do you exchange e-mails until you expect him to "make a move" to the next step? (On that note, what should the next step be? Do we exchange numbers--usually the first step so it kind of feels like going backwards? Do we actually try and meet? How does this work anyway?)

So meanwhile I will keep looking for an "online dating book for dummies" book and falling all over myself online and in person... at least until my subscription runs out.