Hair: 1 Me: 0

I lost yet another epic battle to my hair earlier this week. Not good. This is a fairly common occurrence and I will take this opportunity to outline the various strategies of the opposing sides in all their hairy glory:

My strategies

Bio-warfare: I literally drown my poor hair in a barrage of product. Shampoo, conditioner, curling moose or gel, frizz control as needed, and whatever else I can use to try and control the opposing forces.

Capture and Torture: Tying up, pinning back, braiding, twisting around, and whatever other strategy I can think of to force my hair into whatever socially-acceptable shape I can manage, whether it wants to be there or not!

Suffocation: technique utilizing hat, scarf, bandanna, or paper bag if that is all that is available.

Negligence: Sometimes when all else fails all I can do is do my best to ignore what a mess my hair is. I have gotten pretty good at pretending not to know it is such a disaster.

Decapitation: Not used quite as frequently but occasionally there is nothing else for it but to cut off the fuzzy mess and dispose of the casualties.

Hair Strategies


Explosives: This seems to be my hair's weapon of choice--expanding from seemingly harmless strands into a mini tree. Nice.

Kamikaze sacrifice: I lose lots of hair... lots and lots. So desperate to be separated from me it seems to leap out of my head.

Sneak Attack: Another favorite: after painstakingly exerting my best efforts to control the mop perched atop my head it delights in escaping said style, bushing into wildness, and corkscrewing into chaos.

Indecent Exposure: I'm half embarrassed to mention this one,but my hair likes to show looks that are absolutely not meant for public eyes.

And so the battle rages on. Eventually, of course I will win, cause I have the ultimate weapon at my disposal; raze and destroy. I haven't yet pulled the "shave off the offending forces" move, but as it is always in my power to do so my hair will never be able to fully defeat me!

Happy Mother's Day!

For Mother's Day I have thought about what tribute would be good to share here since I am pretty sure she is really the only one who reads this... stuff. (I wanted to use a different word, but as this is a post for her I don't think she would have liked the one I was thinking of). I decided on a collection of her common quotes-ones I do not always like because I am not always smart enough to listen to my mother, but ones she uses a lot.

"Don't Should on Yourself"
Mom doesn't like the word should--it usually is used in a send-yourself-on-a-guilt trip way after all.


"You are on Thin Water!"
This started as a family joke, though it was a dangerous funny at the time. I was just a little girl but still remember the situation. Dad had done something to make mom mad and even though we all knew her irritation was rising (the steam was coming out of her ears in little puffs, her eyes were slowly starting to glow red) whatever dad was doing he continued, much to mom's irritation. Finally she blurted this quote out in frustration--an unsuccessful unconscious effort to combine the "in hot water" and "on thin ice" threats. This is definitely a you-had-to-be-there moment but I will not soon forget the way mom's palpable irritation slowly melted away as my father (who has a special talent for making people laugh at themselves) got us giggling and mom allowed her grumpiness to wash it away. Now when she uses it I feel like she is reminding me not to take myself too seriously.


"It's going to be okay."
I will not embarrass myself by disclosing how frequently I need this assurance, but I will say that mom is always able and willing to give it, no matter what time I call her. : )


"I don't need it..."
This one makes me smile and shake my head in exasperation. Mom, who is often encouraging me to splurge a little and get something new--shoes, a dress, a top, or whatever (not that I usually do, haha) never ever seems to get one for herself even when dad tells her to. He almost always has to take her to the store and make her get something. Such is the selflessness of motherhood--always putting everyone's needs above her own.

 

"Well President Eyering says:"
Mom likes all the church leaders, but for whatever reason President Eyering seems to be her favorite. Whatever follows is usually wise and wonderful but we still like to give her a hard time.


"A person all wrapped up in themselves makes a very small package"
Think about it.

"I'm cold."
Mom is a frugal machine who also suffers from significantly low blood pressure. Consequently in the middle of Texas winter (and I know those words don't really go together, but humor me--it's Mother's Day) she keeps the house in the 60s before she turns on the heater. When she was still working at home this meant that she would sit on the couch with her computer with a sweatshirt, at least 1 coat, and at least 1 pair of gloves or socks on her hands to try and get her work done. The ironic part of this whole story is that while I complain here I will probably end up keeping my house at the extreme temperature ends too because that's how I grew up--you save money by suffering a little.

"Have you prayed about it?"
This is her answer to every problem I bring to her (and let's just say I probably bring more than my fair share and most of them I bring more than once). Excellent advice--the kind that sometimes makes me laugh and say, "do you really always have to be right?"

"I don't know what I'm doing"
Strange for her to say that to me, as I am a firm believer that she does have it all figured out, but also somehow comforting because I absolutely have no clue what I'm doing, so if that is true at least I'm in good company!

"I'm doing laundry"
It seems like mom is always always always doing laundry. I don't mind laundry personally but I happen to know it is her least favorite job. Sorry mom. : (

and last but not least....

"I love you!"
 I love you too mom. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. I am a pretty lucky kiddo to have a laundry-master, prophet quoting, reassuring, mother Sensei  in my forever future. Happy Mother's Day!

The Beautiful Oregon Coast

So after finishing my internship in Medford, OR I took a long leisurly drive dipping first down into Calinfornia to see the Redwood Forest then up along the coast to get to my next internship destination. This was absolutely some of the most beautiful scenery and atmosphere I have ever seen ever. I felt guilty and bloated trying to absorb it all by myself it was so pretty!

 

The Redwood Forest

This is called the family tree. It's trippy. If you look close you can see other trees growing out of the branches, sending their roots into the main branches of the mother tree and getting their nourishment that way. The sign said there were 12 trees in all from this single trunk. You can see one really well in the right corner.

These guys are 297 feet(ish) tall 

This is called the Cathedral Tree--it is 9 trees all growing together, using the same roots system

This is a fallen tree that had several (maybe 6?) new trees growing out of it.

This isn't a great picture cause I made it look like a branch, but this is a tree growing sideways. Wild, eh?

This is a petrified tree ring they have at the entrance--it shows how old the tree was before it finally died.


After the Redwoods I went to the Oregon Coast Aquarium. I love aquariums, maybe even more than zoos, and this one was pretty cool.

These birds literally fly through the water--not swim, they flap their wings, tuck their feet, and fly underwater. It's pretty bizarre. They also have this oily stuff on their feathers that makes them look like they are covered in metal underwater.

The ceiling in one of those walk-through aquarium. I really couldn't take a picture of this that was awesome enough to make you see how cool it is.

Jelly fish--one of the weirdest animals in the ocean.


So it was pretty much an awesome trip. So breathtakingly gorgeous! God sure did an excellent job on this area.

Happy

I am happy. I can say that without reservation, apology, or explanation. I am happy. I love being happy. I love to laugh and smile and absorb the beauty and grace of the world around me like sunshine penetrating through my pores.  This really is a magical time of the year. I feel like everything around me is doing its very best to announce the love of God. The way the rain brightens and cleans the very air we breath, the way the sunshine glitters off the baby flower buds is almost magic, the way the trees, flower beds, and even people's wardrobes suddenly explode into color, and the way everything smells fresh and new. We are emerging out of winter like refugees desperate for the sun, and there it is to greet us!

I am currently in Vancouver, Washington and I see the sun about twice a week, but somehow that makes it even more exciting each time I do. I think I am in love. I spend every work day with a group of some of the most adorable kids you could ever ask to meet. They have been sent to this earth with bodies that can't do all of the things mine can, but they still manage to inspire me every day. The smile of a child is magic, especially when the child is beloved and trust me when I tell you, it is impossible not to fall in love with these kids.

Perhaps my favorite part is that this whole season preaches resurrection, rebirth, and renewal. Happiness. Just like the planet gets to remake itself each spring, I have the chance to reshape my attitude, the kids I get to spend time with will be given re-formed perfected bodies, and best of all I have the gift of opportunity to remake myself through the grace of my Savior. All of these second chances are made possible by the matchless gift He has offered to all of mankind--His perfect life, the atonement, and the triumphant resurrection where He overcame every last obstacle that was facing all of us. He has won every battle we or anyone will ever fight ever--all we have to do is join His side and allow Him to take over our own trials and difficulties. How can I not feel happy? He lives! He really does. The tomb, the mob, the grave, and every other person, dominion, or power that would try and hold him has failed forever, and Jesus Christ, Savior of the world, has won for and in behalf of all of mankind. This is the happiest news ever to sound anywhere I am a happy girl.

Sister Burton!

This beautiful woman is Sister Linda K Burton--the new general Relief Society president for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

This is another picture of her (you will see her in the back in a green shirt with a black jacket) As you can see, she was my mission president's wife! I am way beyond excited. She will be amazing as RS president. I will miss Sister Beck, but I am ecstatic to see and hear her again. YAYAY!!!

An hour and a half later...

Yesterday I found myself playing the piano. I sat down for a few minutes, and found myself still sitting playing an hour and a half later. The exercise left me feeling relieved. I actually use to be quite good on the piano, back when I practiced and trained regularly. It has been years since my peak and I have fallen a great deal. If I ever could have been called "talented" I'm afraid all I can manage now is "passable", but still it brings me a great sense of satisfaction and joy. I never have been great with emotion, so having a medium through which to purge it through has always been a great gift.

Yesterday, though, I was mostly fascinated with the way the music tasted. The unexpected tang of an augmented chord, the refreshing splash of an ending resolving itself, and the milky smoothness of unrelated notes blending together like potato salad. I think my favorite sensation though, is the thrill that the sounds that come out of my fingertips actually improve the silence. As someone with almost no artistic ability, I have learned a great respect for the blank page as I know that my additions only serve to mar the pristine whiteness of untouched paper. My heart sings, however, when the air is filled with sounds better than the quiet that proceeded them. I didn't create the sounds--I have masters with influences older than America to thank for that, but I am able to give life to their sounds--to do my tiny part to preserve their influences.

A verse of scripture I enjoy is 2 Nephi 9:51 which goes like this: "Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy. Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness." Part of the reason that I like this combination of words is, of course, that it could be talking about chocolate with its terms of satisfaction, preservatives (things that don't perish) and delighting in weight gain but I especially love the idea of "delighting in fatness". There are some things that fill up my soul--the gospel, education, family, and music. I love things that make my soul grow bigger--things I can sink my teeth into. I love delighting in fatness!

I close with yet another not quite serious top 10 list: Why the piano is better than men

10-I can be a piano player whenever I like, when I am a player with men they tend to complain.
9- The piano may come with strings attached, but at least they can be tuned to my preferences.
8- When I am angry, I can beat on the piano all I want--it's not illegal.
7- I may have little hands, but they fit the piano just fine--not always easy to hold hands with guys whose fingers are thicker and longer than my baby ones, though I will admit that I defiantly enjoy trying...
6- The piano doesn't mind spending the evening with me when I'm PMSing.
5- I'm much better at communicating with the piano than I am with men.
4- I can play the piano in my PJs and sweats--don't need an uncomfortable outfit or even any makeup.
3- Pianos sound better than sweet nothings...usually. : )
2- Pianos don't mind a little neglect every now and then, they do well with clinginess also.
1- The piano is something easy for me to love--no mysteries, no hidden messages, no staying up late trying to guess what I should do next. Men have always been a mystery.

I'm not exactly sure what I am suppose to be feeling, but this whole thing feels reminiscent of a toothache. At first the white hot knife stab that leaves you breathless and immobile, but now that the shock is gone it is more like the dull ache that is in the back of your mind and somehow tints the images you see and the way you see them. The one that keeps you up at night and prevents you from running your day-to-day life the way you use to.

I feel...distracted. Like I can't fix on any one idea, or devote myself fully to any single task. Even writing these few sentences has taken me almost twenty minutes.

People ask me if I am alright, and part of me wants to cry and laugh and say "of course I'm not alright! What a stupid question." but part of me feels numb and empty and part of me wants someone else to wrap their arms around me and tell me that I will be alright so I don't have to think about that answer myself.

Mostly though, I just feel...distracted. Distracted and numb mixed with a little bit hurt and guilt, a dash of pain and a pinch of disbelief and lots and lots of confusion. Kind of like a toothache. It just won't let me relax.

I am not alright, I am not myself, but I am not un-alright either. I just am. My soul feels sluggish. My body can take me through the motions and get me where I need to be, but I feel like I am removed and somehow not a part of any of it.

I had a terrible toothache once last year. I use to cry at night it hurt so bad and I couldn't eat hard foods or drink cold liquids, and I saw two dentists and no one knew what was wrong. It was terrible, but there was nothing I could do about it and eventually the pain just seeped away as slowly as it came. Maybe that is what will happen here too. Ever so slowly, the Novocaine will wear off and I will wake up and pay attention and be alright again. Until then, I just am.