I lost yet another epic battle to my hair earlier this week. Not good. This is a fairly common occurrence and I will take this opportunity to outline the various strategies of the opposing sides in all their hairy glory:
My strategies
Bio-warfare: I literally drown my poor hair in a barrage of product. Shampoo, conditioner, curling moose or gel, frizz control as needed, and whatever else I can use to try and control the opposing forces.
Capture and Torture: Tying up, pinning back, braiding, twisting around, and whatever other strategy I can think of to force my hair into whatever socially-acceptable shape I can manage, whether it wants to be there or not!
Suffocation: technique utilizing hat, scarf, bandanna, or paper bag if that is all that is available.
Negligence: Sometimes when all else fails all I can do is do my best to ignore what a mess my hair is. I have gotten pretty good at pretending not to know it is such a disaster.
Decapitation: Not used quite as frequently but occasionally there is nothing else for it but to cut off the fuzzy mess and dispose of the casualties.
Hair Strategies
Explosives: This seems to be my hair's weapon of choice--expanding from seemingly harmless strands into a mini tree. Nice.
Kamikaze sacrifice: I lose lots of hair... lots and lots. So desperate to be separated from me it seems to leap out of my head.
Sneak Attack: Another favorite: after painstakingly exerting my best efforts to control the mop perched atop my head it delights in escaping said style, bushing into wildness, and corkscrewing into chaos.
Indecent Exposure: I'm half embarrassed to mention this one,but my hair likes to show looks that are absolutely not meant for public eyes.
And so the battle rages on. Eventually, of course I will win, cause I have the ultimate weapon at my disposal; raze and destroy. I haven't yet pulled the "shave off the offending forces" move, but as it is always in my power to do so my hair will never be able to fully defeat me!
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