It's Cold Again

At the risk of repetition I am going to post my first complaint of the year about the cold and try and attach some mystic slightly poetic highly pathetic meaning to it again. Consider yourself warned.

Washington cold is different than Utah cold. It's not as dry, for one thing, which is nice. I mean my skin still dries out and my lips are still chapped a bit but they don't seem to crack and peel as much, which is always nice for a student budget cause that means you don't need lotion. Still though, it's cold. Everyone laughs when I say that and say it's just starting and going to be so much worse and I'm never going to make it--a sentiment I rather resent as I've never quit anything I've been determined to succeed at. Still, I can honestly say I feel cold here. Maybe part of it is living in the basement too. Not that I don't love my little room--I do, I just am not quite use to the temperature of life here.

I've decided that this temperature--just barely above frozen--is an apt description of myself in a lot of ways. Kind of like the ice right after the Zamboni driver gets done. It is glassy and smooth and welcoming but hard to crack and even harder to penetrate. You can see exactly who I am--I don't try to disguise what I'm really like or put up false pretenses but at the same time I don't let others in easily--not really. I am happy to get to know people and form friendships but I avoid allowing myself to be emotionally vunerable at almost all costs. I wonder why that is sometimes. My family has always been extremely supportive, I have always had good friends, no tramatic events, only one breakup that I thought went over rather smoothly, no huge dissapointments, no drastic failed attempts at anything. I have no idea why I am so protective of myself and insistant to avoid emotional events at all costs, but there you are. I am. Just like the weather here--cold and stoic but still crisp and perfectly upfront at the same time. Bundled and covered up it isn't a problem. It's only when you let your guard down that the cold really bothers you. The rest of the time it's almost tolerable. Just keep your guard up. Don't let anything in.

Also, I learned you have to be careful what you ask for. Again. Why is it that I seem to always need the same cosmic lessons over and over again? You would think I would get the hint and start on some new mistakes, but alas, this is not so. So I say again--make sure what you think you want is really what you want before you think you want it. Otherwise you just might get it and realize how much happier you were before. Of course, I suppose it is that way always. Even things you really do want often seem to have at least some negative consequences when you finally get them. The new haircut may be easier to fix but now all those styles you're use to don't work and you have to start over again. Being newly weds is amazing but it's still hard to get use to his socks all over the place. The appartment is perfect--everything you ever wanted, except for the extra seventy bucks a month. Washington is fun and beautiful and the school is great but the weather is stinking freezing! You get the idea.

Anywho. It's cold. I guess that means I get to bundle up in my favorite sweatshirt ever--an oversized George Washington University one I recieved at a sweatshirt exchange that I never take home for fear my mom will sneakily throw it out in an effort to cutify my wardrobe. I wear it probably every day. Gross? Maybe but I only wear it when I'm sitting in my room alone doing homework, so I'm the only one around to smell me. This is a lovely way for me to get warmth when I know I want it and I don't even mind the smelly consequences. Good. Maybe I'm learning something after all.