Woman Pains

At the risk of embarking on a painfully awkward subject, I have heavily weight the pros and cons of sharing my rather shocking findings of feminine internal behavior and have decided that the information needs to come forth.

I think that on a physiological level, the female uterus purposefully makes life more miserable for poor victims like myself before children are born. Having never undergone said activity I naturally cannot be sure, but that is my belief. Take the pumpkin patch for example--our PT class, which is constantly having social activities, recently went to a local pumpkin patch. Those with kids brought them along and we had a blast. On that tangent, this particular patch had a cannon from which they launched pumpkins--one every hour--at a speed of 900 feet per second into the air, across two fields or so, and in the direction of the evergreen groves. I wonder if the pumpkin seeds affect their Christmas tree crop. So anywho, it was a blast on several levels to play with everyone's kids. As we were going back to the car, one of my fellow single babyless classmates looked over at me and said, "this almost makes your uterus ache, doesn't it." I found the comment strange, but as we helped the little two year old up the path, holding his hand and listening bemusedly to his happy chatter about all kinds of things I'm pretty sure his mom didn't want us to know, I had to agree. A painful, twisting, almost bitter sensation came from inside. Creepy, right? Creepy but true. My own body turning on me. How horribly rude and inconvenient. Maybe that's all part of menopause too. Your body is trying to reward you for doing your job and allowing it the opportunity to carry a child. That would be a lovely theory if only those who actually had bourne children went through it. Now that I think about it, that is not the case. Hmm... I dunno...

I am blond now--officially. The girl at the salon put way too much color in my highlights. I guess that's what you get when you always shoot for the cheapest option. Bet guys don't get that problem too much. Guys get a bad haircut and can get it fixed up in about a month. Girls, we have to wait years or shovel out enough money for another treatment. Me, I'll take the waiting. Anyway, maybe this way the teachers will be nicer to me. No one seems to expect as much out of a blondie who obviously paid someone else to alter my body to force it to become blond. Not nice, when said that way.

And now I fall asleep as I write. That's my excuse for the convoluted excuse for a paragraph above. Goodnight!