The Beautiful Oregon Coast

So after finishing my internship in Medford, OR I took a long leisurly drive dipping first down into Calinfornia to see the Redwood Forest then up along the coast to get to my next internship destination. This was absolutely some of the most beautiful scenery and atmosphere I have ever seen ever. I felt guilty and bloated trying to absorb it all by myself it was so pretty!

 

The Redwood Forest

This is called the family tree. It's trippy. If you look close you can see other trees growing out of the branches, sending their roots into the main branches of the mother tree and getting their nourishment that way. The sign said there were 12 trees in all from this single trunk. You can see one really well in the right corner.

These guys are 297 feet(ish) tall 

This is called the Cathedral Tree--it is 9 trees all growing together, using the same roots system

This is a fallen tree that had several (maybe 6?) new trees growing out of it.

This isn't a great picture cause I made it look like a branch, but this is a tree growing sideways. Wild, eh?

This is a petrified tree ring they have at the entrance--it shows how old the tree was before it finally died.


After the Redwoods I went to the Oregon Coast Aquarium. I love aquariums, maybe even more than zoos, and this one was pretty cool.

These birds literally fly through the water--not swim, they flap their wings, tuck their feet, and fly underwater. It's pretty bizarre. They also have this oily stuff on their feathers that makes them look like they are covered in metal underwater.

The ceiling in one of those walk-through aquarium. I really couldn't take a picture of this that was awesome enough to make you see how cool it is.

Jelly fish--one of the weirdest animals in the ocean.


So it was pretty much an awesome trip. So breathtakingly gorgeous! God sure did an excellent job on this area.

Happy

I am happy. I can say that without reservation, apology, or explanation. I am happy. I love being happy. I love to laugh and smile and absorb the beauty and grace of the world around me like sunshine penetrating through my pores.  This really is a magical time of the year. I feel like everything around me is doing its very best to announce the love of God. The way the rain brightens and cleans the very air we breath, the way the sunshine glitters off the baby flower buds is almost magic, the way the trees, flower beds, and even people's wardrobes suddenly explode into color, and the way everything smells fresh and new. We are emerging out of winter like refugees desperate for the sun, and there it is to greet us!

I am currently in Vancouver, Washington and I see the sun about twice a week, but somehow that makes it even more exciting each time I do. I think I am in love. I spend every work day with a group of some of the most adorable kids you could ever ask to meet. They have been sent to this earth with bodies that can't do all of the things mine can, but they still manage to inspire me every day. The smile of a child is magic, especially when the child is beloved and trust me when I tell you, it is impossible not to fall in love with these kids.

Perhaps my favorite part is that this whole season preaches resurrection, rebirth, and renewal. Happiness. Just like the planet gets to remake itself each spring, I have the chance to reshape my attitude, the kids I get to spend time with will be given re-formed perfected bodies, and best of all I have the gift of opportunity to remake myself through the grace of my Savior. All of these second chances are made possible by the matchless gift He has offered to all of mankind--His perfect life, the atonement, and the triumphant resurrection where He overcame every last obstacle that was facing all of us. He has won every battle we or anyone will ever fight ever--all we have to do is join His side and allow Him to take over our own trials and difficulties. How can I not feel happy? He lives! He really does. The tomb, the mob, the grave, and every other person, dominion, or power that would try and hold him has failed forever, and Jesus Christ, Savior of the world, has won for and in behalf of all of mankind. This is the happiest news ever to sound anywhere I am a happy girl.

Sister Burton!

This beautiful woman is Sister Linda K Burton--the new general Relief Society president for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

This is another picture of her (you will see her in the back in a green shirt with a black jacket) As you can see, she was my mission president's wife! I am way beyond excited. She will be amazing as RS president. I will miss Sister Beck, but I am ecstatic to see and hear her again. YAYAY!!!

An hour and a half later...

Yesterday I found myself playing the piano. I sat down for a few minutes, and found myself still sitting playing an hour and a half later. The exercise left me feeling relieved. I actually use to be quite good on the piano, back when I practiced and trained regularly. It has been years since my peak and I have fallen a great deal. If I ever could have been called "talented" I'm afraid all I can manage now is "passable", but still it brings me a great sense of satisfaction and joy. I never have been great with emotion, so having a medium through which to purge it through has always been a great gift.

Yesterday, though, I was mostly fascinated with the way the music tasted. The unexpected tang of an augmented chord, the refreshing splash of an ending resolving itself, and the milky smoothness of unrelated notes blending together like potato salad. I think my favorite sensation though, is the thrill that the sounds that come out of my fingertips actually improve the silence. As someone with almost no artistic ability, I have learned a great respect for the blank page as I know that my additions only serve to mar the pristine whiteness of untouched paper. My heart sings, however, when the air is filled with sounds better than the quiet that proceeded them. I didn't create the sounds--I have masters with influences older than America to thank for that, but I am able to give life to their sounds--to do my tiny part to preserve their influences.

A verse of scripture I enjoy is 2 Nephi 9:51 which goes like this: "Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy. Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and feast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness." Part of the reason that I like this combination of words is, of course, that it could be talking about chocolate with its terms of satisfaction, preservatives (things that don't perish) and delighting in weight gain but I especially love the idea of "delighting in fatness". There are some things that fill up my soul--the gospel, education, family, and music. I love things that make my soul grow bigger--things I can sink my teeth into. I love delighting in fatness!

I close with yet another not quite serious top 10 list: Why the piano is better than men

10-I can be a piano player whenever I like, when I am a player with men they tend to complain.
9- The piano may come with strings attached, but at least they can be tuned to my preferences.
8- When I am angry, I can beat on the piano all I want--it's not illegal.
7- I may have little hands, but they fit the piano just fine--not always easy to hold hands with guys whose fingers are thicker and longer than my baby ones, though I will admit that I defiantly enjoy trying...
6- The piano doesn't mind spending the evening with me when I'm PMSing.
5- I'm much better at communicating with the piano than I am with men.
4- I can play the piano in my PJs and sweats--don't need an uncomfortable outfit or even any makeup.
3- Pianos sound better than sweet nothings...usually. : )
2- Pianos don't mind a little neglect every now and then, they do well with clinginess also.
1- The piano is something easy for me to love--no mysteries, no hidden messages, no staying up late trying to guess what I should do next. Men have always been a mystery.

I'm not exactly sure what I am suppose to be feeling, but this whole thing feels reminiscent of a toothache. At first the white hot knife stab that leaves you breathless and immobile, but now that the shock is gone it is more like the dull ache that is in the back of your mind and somehow tints the images you see and the way you see them. The one that keeps you up at night and prevents you from running your day-to-day life the way you use to.

I feel...distracted. Like I can't fix on any one idea, or devote myself fully to any single task. Even writing these few sentences has taken me almost twenty minutes.

People ask me if I am alright, and part of me wants to cry and laugh and say "of course I'm not alright! What a stupid question." but part of me feels numb and empty and part of me wants someone else to wrap their arms around me and tell me that I will be alright so I don't have to think about that answer myself.

Mostly though, I just feel...distracted. Distracted and numb mixed with a little bit hurt and guilt, a dash of pain and a pinch of disbelief and lots and lots of confusion. Kind of like a toothache. It just won't let me relax.

I am not alright, I am not myself, but I am not un-alright either. I just am. My soul feels sluggish. My body can take me through the motions and get me where I need to be, but I feel like I am removed and somehow not a part of any of it.

I had a terrible toothache once last year. I use to cry at night it hurt so bad and I couldn't eat hard foods or drink cold liquids, and I saw two dentists and no one knew what was wrong. It was terrible, but there was nothing I could do about it and eventually the pain just seeped away as slowly as it came. Maybe that is what will happen here too. Ever so slowly, the Novocaine will wear off and I will wake up and pay attention and be alright again. Until then, I just am.

Quirky Confessions

1- People think I love to run. This is a lie--I LOVE to eat, and I find that if I run on a fairly regular basis I am able to eat to my heart's content without guilt or feeling disgusting

2- I talk to myself in Korean so no one will know the craziness that goes on inside my head

3- I can't cook. It's a disgraceful thing, but there it is. The poor schmuck who gets stuck with me will have to put up with a year or so of burnt dinner-attempts.

4- When we were kids my sister and I always had imaginary boyfriends/superhero-partners. Hers was named Justin and mine was named Joshua. My sister married a Justin, and now whenever I meet a Joshua I like him a little bit just because of his name.

5- Although my dish-doing skills are almost legendary, I have an aversion to sweeping and vacuuming.

6- I hide chocolates in my underwear drawer, and I eat them too (the chocolates, not my underwear)

7- I only shower every-other day unless I've gone for a good sweaty run, otherwise my hair turns into an even bigger frizzy mess than usual

8- I like to watch Ella Enchanted and She's the Man when I'm sick or especially lonely

9- I try hard to be brave and I am truly happy and rarely down, but truth be told I am terrified of being single forever and sometimes I lose sleep over it.

10- I have songs from Korean boy bands in my playlist.

Grateful

It’s Thanksgiving again! I love that it comes every year. This year I was lucky enough to go to Mexico with the relatives on my dad’s side. We had a wonderful relaxing, enjoyable time. I have a lot to be thankful this year, but here is a brief list of my top favorites in no particular order.

1. The atonement of Jesus Christ
2. Music
3. My internship—it has been fun, exciting, educational, and the people have been wonderful to me
4. My higher educational opportunities
5. My testimony of the gospel
6. The Book of Mormon
7. My parents. I lucked out majorly there
8. My siblings—some of the best people I know
9. Not being a vegetarian. Yay for delicious meat!
10. Living in America—I love it here
11. My BYU BS degree (bwahaha it’s so fun to have a degree called BS. I majored in BS haha)
12. Being able to play the piano
13. My guitar
14. Being a baptized member of the church
15. Colors. Think how boring the world would be in black and white!
16. My grandparents (both sides)—they took such good care of me
17. Being from Texas—it is the best place on the planet
18. My car that has done such a good job of taking me all over the country when I needed her to
19. Texas—our adorable dog
20. My computer that makes life so much easier
21. Dark chocolate
22. Raisins
23. Dark chocolate covered raisins
24. Chocolate chip cookies when they are warm and gooey
25. Automatic washers and dryers
26. Institute—lots of good memories there
27. My amazing Spokane friends who I still miss
28. Living in the MASH house—what fun we had!
29. My mission
30. Shrimp cocktails
31. Having enough to eat
32. Running races for fun
33. Christmas time
34. A break and a chance to go home for the holidays
35. The Spirit that guides my life
36. Prayer
37. The temple
38. Curly hair that is so easy to fix and take care of
39. My aunts and uncles and cousins that I finally have a chance to get to know better
40. A knowledge of the plan of salvation
41. My patriarchal blessing
42. Hot chocolate in the cold Washington winter
43. Big Texas style rainstorms
44. Dogs (but not cats—sorry for my ingratitude)
45. Piano lessons that my parents practically forced me to take
46. Good books
47. Time to read good books (or at least listen to them as audiobooks)
48. Technology to listen to and make audiobooks
49. Earrings—I feel so much more feminine wwith them on
50. Eternal families
51. The New Testament
52. The Old Testament
53. The Doctrine and Covenants
54. The Pearl of Great Price
55. The living prophet
56. The priesthood restored again to the Earth
57. Living in a place that is warm for the winter with no ice on the road
58. French toast—my favorite artery-clogging breakfast
59. Good eyesight so I don’t have to worry about glasses or contacts
60. Sunshine
61. Professors who have helped me get through grad school so far
62. Friends who are helping me find a place to live
63. The internet. What did we ever do without it?
64. Being in a profession that I love (am I allowed to say profession when I’m still in school?)
65. Genealogy chuck full of amazing people who I hope will be satisfied with the way I keep their name
66. Tulips. My favorite flower ever
67. Fuzzy socks
68. The covenants I have been blessed to make with baptism and in the temple
69. Comfortable beds—I do so much better with a good night sleep
70. Animals—they are pretty fun
71. Zoos full of fun animals
72. My body that is able to take care of me
73. Laughter
74. Smiling
75. Moltrin. What did people do before they had moltrin?
76. Mascara cause otherwise I would look like a boy
77. Fish—somehow having something small and insignificant that depends on me for survival makes my life seem so much less pathetic
78. Chick flicks
79. Living in a time and place where women can get an education
80. My amazing life! I am so very blessed!

Yay for holidays. I hope everyone had a holiday almost as good as mine :) I really have so much to be grateful for.